“I love you, Aaron.” I say it out loud. And we both hear that question in my voice. His eyes are saying, Prove it.
When Gemma meets Aaron, she feels truly seen for the first time. Their love story is the intense kind. The written-in-The-stars, excluding-All-others kind. The kind you write songs about.
But little by little their relationship takes over Gemma’s life. What happens when being seen becomes being watched, and care becomes control?
The unforgettable new novel from Karen Gregory cuts right to the heart of everything we believe about love.
- Title: I Hold Your Heart
- Author: Karen Gregory
- Publisher: Bloomsbury
- Date: July 11, 2019
- Genre: YA contemporary
Note: I was sent a copy of this book from the publisher.
Review
I haven’t read a book in a while that kept me hooked enough to read it in just a couple of days. Maybe it’s being on holiday that helps, because being by the sea makes me so much more productive.
But with this book, I couldn’t put it down – which was unexpected, because at the beginning I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it!
(Note – I’ll aim to make this as spoiler-free as possible, but there might be a couple. I definitely won’t include any that will ruin the book, though.)
“Instalove” and the Beginning of Aaron’s Creepiness
So, let’s start at the beginning, and why I was uncertain how much I’d actually like this book. The story dives straight into the main character, Gemma, meeting her love interest, Aaron, and it only takes around 11 pages for her to fancy him enough to consider asking him out. I haven’t read a lot of books with the “instalove” trope, so I wasn’t sure if I liked it. This book confirmed for me that I’m definitely not a fan.
However, now that I’ve finished the book and reflected upon the speed that the events moved and how intense their relationship was, I realise that this super fast romance makes a lot more sense. I initially thought their feelings were moving too quickly, but now it all makes a bit more sense.
I thought that Aaron began to show elements of clingy – maybe even creepy – behaviour very early on, and it was cleverly done. Some of the things he did or said were so subtle and I think the only reason I picked up on the creepy undertones fairly quickly is because I’m a bit older (and also a massive cynic and definitely not a hopeless romantic), so I wondered why Gemma wasn’t picking up on the creepiness herself.
I then remembered that she’s only a teenager, and she hasn’t had a relationship before this one, so I had to try and put myself in her shoes and get into the mindset of a teenager. (And stop being such a cynic.)
Romance, Realism and Character Depth
One of the things I loved about this book was the realism of Gemma and Aaron’s relationship and the depth of the characters that really made this seem like a real story, rather than a work of fiction.
There are two scenes in particular that I liked in terms of realism. The first was very early on, when Gemma and Aaron go on their first date on the beach, and the date the romantic candlelit picnic Aaron planned fell flat on its face. This was definitely reminiscent of dates I’ve attempted to plan before and they just didn’t pan out as I imagined they would, and the realism of a date going wrong really did make me laugh.
The second scene that was painfully realistic (to the best of my knowledge due to my lack of experience, anyway…) was the first time they had sex. For Gemma it was her first time ever, and it wasn’t a sunshine-and-rainbows, perfectly film-like experience. It was real and awkward, and left Gemma wondering if she did everything right or messed up their relationship before it’s even started. There really needs to be more of this in YA fiction to show that this is how things so often are!
Another thing that, for me, increases the sense of realism in fiction is when the characters have a lot of depth. I loved how in-depth these characters are – with Gemma’s parents’ obsession with her brother Michael’s football career; Gemma’s best friend Esi and her bisexuality, and her anxiety about telling her African parents; Michael having doubts about his career and wondering if his parents’ obsession with football is too much; Gemma’s love of singing and her ambition to take it further… there were so many things that have made these characters incredibly well-rounded, and helps you to immerse yourself in the story by feeling like you know and can root for the characters.
Depicting an Abusive Relationship
(Note: I’m going to include potential minor spoilers here, so when I do, I’ll mark them with [spoilers] and [end spoilers]. If you don’t want to see them, skip over those parts!)
When reading this book, one thing was clear to me right from the first chapter: I really didn’t like Aaron. Right from the beginning, he always felt a bit weird to me, and I could tell that I wouldn’t get on with him if I knew him. I know a character is well-written when I instantly have a strong opinion of them!
Certain things Aaron does, like [spoilers] showing his friends naked pictures of Gemma to prove that he slept with her, laughing when they talk about her pubic hair, and then buying Gemma a voucher for a bikini wax, [end spoilers] that were a complete no-no for a healthy relationship and made me start to really dislike his character.
He also talked a lot about his previous relationship with his ex, Cherine, and how his anger issues stem from heartbreak following this. I started to realise that there might be a more sinister history to this previous relationship and it wasn’t just him being upset that she “broke his heart”. I hated that he put so much of the anger from his relationship with Cherine onto Gemma, and pretty much blamed her for his anger issues. It’s never the responsibility of a current partner to make up for issues in a previous relationship, and I thought this was handled so well and will make readers realise how ridiculous that is!
Something I picked up on, which I absolutely loved, was that from Chapter 45, the chapter titles that show whose perspective the chapter is written from, started referring to Gemma as Gem, which was the name Aaron used for her and refused to let others call her it. (This stemmed from his jealousy and paranoia… basically a way to feel more ownership over her.)
The change from Gemma to Gem was so subtle, but it was a clever way to reflect how Gemma was really starting to change for Aaron – she was becoming Gem, his perfect girl. Finally, when things are resolved and [spoilers] Gemma begins to realise how much of a creep he is and his abusive behaviour becomes physical, [end spoilers] the chapter titles turn back to Gemma again, like she’s finally being detached from him.
This book really shines a light on how an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical, and can be emotional and manipulative too, even in subtle ways that you might not notice if you’re the one involved in the relationship.
Conclusion
The book ends with a glimmer of hope, which after quite a bit of heavy content, is definitely appreciated. I don’t like when a book is heavy and then ends on a bad note, so I liked how this ended on a positive note!
Overall, I admit that my opinion of the book was iffy at the beginning I worried that I wouldn’t like it, but as the book progressed, I really grew to like it a lot and became hooked on how Gemma and Aaron’s relationship would play out. I rooted for Gemma to notice what was happening and for her to get through it. It made earlier things that I was iffy about make a lot more sense in the context of their relationship, and Aaron’s controlling behaviour making Gemma think it was normal.
So many teenagers and young adults find themselves in relationships that become too intense to handle, abusive, controlling, and so many other things, and it’s books like these that might help people to recognise that.
I’m so glad I got to read this book because it’s not something I’d usually pick up. I definitely want to read more of Karen Gregory’s books now!
